Now this time I truly believe that I will keep up with this blog and write about things worth reading. Perhaps not always worthy, but at least I have a purpose.
A major shift has occurred in my life this year, 2010. In the beginning of the year, I was itchy to travel. I've always been a traveler in my heart-- and I've practiced it as often as I think I could manage-- but the previous fall I had determined that my goal was to finally let go of the earth I stood on in NYC and travel the world. I worked four jobs, I saved money, I ate tacos every day, drank less, ate out less, and pumped as much cash as I could into two separate savings accounts. I nicknamed one of them Savings (to feel as if I was doing what I never could imagine myself doing as a young NYC dweller, actually SAVE money). I nicknamed the other Europe. I thought I was going to do the ol' backpack Europe routine! I was going to spend the whole of the 2010 World Cup traveling to all the countries in Europe that I've always wanted to experience, and when it was all over I was going to have life figured out! Perhaps I would start a soccer organization in some small village that I discovered in some country I never imagined I would fall in love with; or perhaps I would begin playing professionally on a small semi-pro team and live in a country where I could learn a foreign language and meet new foreign people; or perhaps the whole experience would end just as I had hoped it wouldn't, I would find myself having been a lot of places, having met a lot of people, having spent all of my money, and have to return to the USA and find 4 more jobs just to do it again.
Who knows what would have happened. All I know is that life took its course and I continued to change the name of that savings account. It became "travel" "freedom" "leave NYC" and then I simply changed it to "savings2". Now I was saving twice as much! Whatever the case may have been, whatever title I placed upon my accounts, I knew that I needed a change. I thought it was traveling, I thought it was escaping, I thought it was leaving New York and this fast-paced culture I will never become accustomed to (I refuse to). But as corny as it may sound, I finally found what I was looking for.
Before I reveal my discovery, I must return back to the beginning of twenty-ten. I made more money than I could've imagined saving so I did indulge a bit before my planned escape in the summer. I went to Colorado to visit my sister for 2 weeks for Christmas and New Years. It was my first days off since September (literally, those 14 days were my first days off in 16 weeks). And so I splurged and spent money and planned more trips. I bought a flight to spend a week during January in California. As soon as I got back, I bought a ticket to spend a weekend in Aruba with friends. As soon as I returned from that trip, I bought a ticket to go to Costa Rica for 2 weeks in March. I could not satiate this need to go travel. I had the money, I had the desire, and so I indulged! But I still could not find what I was looking for. I didn't know what I was looking for until it found me.
Okay, corny part. I'll get it over quick-- like tearing off a bandaid-- what I didn't know I was looking for, what I needed, what I was truly missing was... love. Sure, I have family that I love and they love me and I have a whole amazing network of friends that I love and they love me, but I hadn't found the love of my life. I wasn't looking, it's just not my style. But as soon as I found him, I knew that the meaningfulness of everything had been revitalized. My heart awoke from a deep slumber I didn't know she was in. New York City was new and bright! I wasn't eager to leave anymore. I had fallen in love with the city once again. He brought me everything I was missing and has taught me more than I ever imagined possible. Alongside this beautiful person that I finally found, it was my final trip that had taught me how to love the city fully while still staying true to myself.
Costa Rica revealed me my true self. I lived an ideal life in NYC, but was not happy with it. I couldn't find contentment because I didn't think I was doing things 'right'. I knew that I loved what I was doing, but when I looked around everything and everyone was speeding by, everything was a blur, people moved so fast! I thought I had to move fast to catch up with them, to put them back in focus!
No! It was as soon as I visited Costa Rica for the first time that I realized I did not need to compromise myself to be content in a place. I simply had to be myself and be happy with myself in order to find contentment. And so, in finding Carlin, the love of my life, and in discovering Costa Rica and its wisdom and wonders, I have found my true path. My calling, as I've known for years, is to teach.
My next post will be about how I've taken action on this calling and put the gears in motion towards following my dreams... For now, I must go into dream world for this post has become too long for a first post.
Final thought: Not all those who wander are lost.
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